Gwen is 25 and very much a typical Sagittarius. She lives her life (or tries to survive it) in her fave city in The Netherlands. She has a master's degree in Psychology, which is très useless. She is madly in love with the cutest & sweetest
boy she has ever met. Friends think her life resembles a soap opera & her friends are her life. Gwen is a proud brunette, who is equally sarcastic as she is sweet. She lives life like everyday is a fashion show.
She is loyal, honest and a somewhat functioning HSP. Movies, writing and webdesign are her passions. Kevin Williamson is her yoda. Crushes on Dermot Mulroney, Bradley Cooper,
and Megan Fox. Ali Larter is her role model.
• DATE: 07/16/2010
• LISTENING: You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
• WATCHING: -
• READING: Choke - Chuck Palahniuk
• FEELING: ugh - sore throat!
• LOVING: this layout made by Lucy!
• CRUSHING: the boyfriend!
• SURFING:Twitter
• HOST:Rose <3
• ONLINE SINCE: 02/19/05
• LAYOUT: version 25 by Lucy ft. Glee
• VISITORS:
Best viewed in 1024x768
THE KEY
Okay, so it's not a picture of the actual key, but boyfriend did give me a key to his apartment! Or rather, he gave me his only key and told me to go make a duplicate while he was at work. Less romantic, but still, KEY!!! Of course, this all happened like a month ago, and me being the lazy blogger that I am, I just hadn't blogged about it yet. Though in my defense, I was sick this past week so I couldn't blog.
So the boyfriend thing is kinda awkward. Let's just say that if you're a regular visitor, you might remember that I mentioned a few posts back (it got lost when the site was hacked) I had a crush on a certain guy and career-wise, it wasn't such a good idea. Yes? Lightbulb? Well, that's boyfriend now. Yes, really. And things are going well. See: abovementioned key.
It's not the most conventional way to meet a guy. I certainly didn't plan on meeting a guy this way. I tried to fight my feelings and he did too. At the end of the day, we fell in love. It's as simple as that. And we're still madly in love. We met each other 7 months ago and been a couple for 4 months now. And I still get excited when I know that I will see him later. And I get sad when I know we'll have to say goodbye.
I've always been a commitment-phobe. I've always been emotionally distant. I've always disliked public displays of affection. I never really believed in love. I was too rational. I never understood the kind of love my friend Nathalie has with her boyfriend. The I-can't-stand-to-be-apart-from-you kind of love. I was too cynical. Even with the last ex, I didn't have that feeling. I liked him and rationally we were a pretty decent couple. But I didn't have that madly in love feeling. And I thought that was okay, cause I didn't really believe in it. I remember telling my BFF a week before the ex broke up with me that I was too scared to really go for the relationship, to really open up to him, I was afraid of getting hurt. And I did get hurt in the end. And I was glad I kept my wall up for the biggest part, cause I would have gotten hurt even more.
But with boyfriend it's different. It's been different from the start. He makes me feel safe. And while I still find opening up difficult, it's easier with him. He doesn't think things are strange. My crazy insecurities. Or the fact that I'm very neurotic. All the problems in my family. He tells me he's very proud of me, of the kind of person I am today despite everything that has happened. He's proud of the way I handle adversity. He's really been good to me in a time when things aren't going well. See: unemployment. See also: family issues.
And so I became the kind of girl I couldn't understand before. I became a girl like my friend Nathalie. And that is something Nat and I joke about a lot now.
Btw, I'm so loving this Glee layout Lucy made for me! Thanks so much, hun!
Hello, all! It's been a while (= grand understatement). Hope you've all been well! I'll be visiting you guys soon, promise. I've got a lot of free time. Unfortunately.
I don't exactly remember what I last blogged about. Thanks to the hacking and my lack of remembering to make back ups, I lost the last two posts. Whoops. I don't think I've talked much about my job and how unhappy I was there. Notice how I said was. That's because my contract wasn't renewed. Yup. Unemployment, here I am. Again.
From the beginning, I never felt comfortable there. When I started working there, things were crazy busy and hectic at work. No one really took the time to show me the ropes or to get to know me. I had to figure it out myself. I started out with too many clients at once, but nobody cared. I had a hard time standing up for myself, because they seemed to think it was normal that I, on my ninth day, would have the same amount of clients to see as the senior therapists. Even though their working methods were entirely new to me and I had no clue what I was doing, they just said, go do it.
Thing is, drop me in the water, and I'll swim. I have no trouble figuring things out for myself, teaching myself these things and running my own show. I was functioning fine, professionally.
Now if you've been reading my blog for a while, you know that 2009 was not a good year for me. Things are very stressful for me in my person life, with my parents wanting to emigrate to the other side of the world and all, and them wanting me out of the house asap. So I've been looking for an apartment, but the problem with my job was that I didn't make a lot of money. Without joking or exaggerating, I made little more than a McDonald's employee. And I'm a psychologist with a university degree. Because I grew up with parents who always had money problems, I wanted to be financially secure before I moved out.
Now at my job, after the first 6 months, if you're contract is renewed, you get a raise and financially, I wouldn't have a problem anymore, plus I'd have job security.
So where did it go wrong? Despite all the stress and crap going on in my life, I turned out the be good therapist. My clients were making progress and were getting better. They felt very comfortable with me and told me how much they appreciated my help. Even though I had bigger problems than some of my own clients, I always did my best and worked hard for them to give them the help they needed. I was actually pretty proud of myself, that despite everything, I was doing okay.
So what was the problem? Well, they didn't like me at work, especially my boss. During my performance review, he didn't have a bad thing to say about my qualities as a therapist. He actually thinks I'm a pretty damn good therapist. He just doesn't like my personality. Can you believe this? Apparently, I'm not social and I lack communicative skills. He followed it up with some other horrible things and really kicked me while I was already down. I'm glad I don't have to work for him anymore. I'd rather be unemployed than work for him.
My clients had nothing but good things to say about me the last time I saw them. Some shed a tear. I did too. They told me they don't understand why their opinion doesn't count, why nobody bothered to ask how they felt about me. How they not only liked me as a professional, but also as a warm and friendly person. I disliked the six months I worked there and all the things that happened. I'm trying to forget those things and just remember the positive things my clients said. That's the only thing that matters anyway...
Happy New Year everyone! I, for one, am very happy to have said goodbye to 2009 and am hopeful 2010 will be a better year. 2009 has been a tough year for me and if you're a long time reader, this won't come as a surprise to you. I think the lack of blogging in 2009 says it all really.
2009 was the year: • where I was completely miserable at work due to the lack of opportunities to grow as a therapist, the existence of crappy colleagues and many changes in the organization • I became so frustrated with finding a new job and getting rejected, I nearly gave up • my parents wanted to move to the other side of the world, putting lots of pressure on me to find a new job (I only worked parttime at the then current job) and move out • I fell hard for Alex, who turned out to be a waste of space • my grandfather died and my parents decided to postpone their plans to emigrate to 2010 • I had many health problems and I only recently came to realize they are symptoms of a burnout. As a psychologist, I should've seen it coming, but I was blind or didn't want to see it • that certain people I trusted and I thought were my friends, turned out to be untrustworthy and unreliable • I lost my job. Even though I was miserable at my job, it was better than having no job in these tough economical times • I started dating a guy I knew from uni, thought he was THE ONE, only to have my heart broken a week after losing my job, because things got too complicated for him and he just couldn't deal
But, 2009 was also the year: • I went to Paris with my best friends and fell in love with the city • I finally found a new fulltime job as a therapist and am now finally making progress with my career • I realized my online friends are pretty damn amazing and I am incredibly thankful for all your kind and supporting words! You guys really helped me through this year!
2010 is going to be an interesting year. My parents really want to move away this year and they're serious about it. Stuff has already been boxed up and shipped across the globe. When they move away, I will have no family except for my sister. It's a weird thought. I'm excited about living on my own, but not looking forward to the hassle that is finding an apartment. As for the new job, so far I like the work itself. I'm still getting used to the company and my new colleagues. And the long working hours and the job pressure. I'm really tired after work (also cause I'm still struggling with the aftermath of the burnout, the exhaustion), which means I don't really do much in my 'spare' time, because I just don't have the energy. That's why I haven't blogged since starting the job.
Then there's the ex. We had dinner this week and had a good talk. I told him I have no interest in getting back together any time soon. He was disappointed but understood my reasons. You really can't blame a girl for being hesitant after getting her heart broken by the same guy. I still have feelings for him, but I'm going to be rational this time. I don't want to rush into anything. I need to take better care of myself first. That's my New Year's resolution. I want to be old Gwen again. Old Gwen was fun, outgoing, crazy, charming. Current Gwen is 25 going on 70.
Oh, and I ended up wearing the black strapless dress!
Okay, so it's not a picture of the actual key, but boyfriend did give me a key to his apartment! Or rather, he gave me his only key and told me to go make a duplicate while he was at work. Less romantic, but still, KEY!!! Of course, this all happened like a month ago, and me being the lazy blogger that I am, I just hadn't blogged about it yet. Though in my defense, I was sick this past week so I couldn't blog. 
Well, that's boyfriend now. Yes, really. And things are going well. See: abovementioned key. 
Rachael W., Colette, Shannon, Angel7, Jaz, Nicole, Risa, Lucy, Lotte, Chii, Shiri, Jessica, Megan,
Hello, all! It's been a while (= grand understatement). Hope you've all been well! I'll be visiting you guys soon, promise. I've got a lot of free time. Unfortunately. 